Ins and outs,
ups and downs,
and round and round,
the thoughts twine and dance like autumn leaves in the wind.
Gusting together in groups,
only to be taken in a flurried swirl with the next buffet of anxious breath.
Leafy thoughts that had once hung in the neat beauty of Fibonacci order,
have become a riotous cacophony of merging coloured chaos.
The ideas once sap green and fresh,
crunch lifeless underfoot.
Once cherished epiphanies,
now lost in the slurry of mud and composting humus.
I used to know exactly where each rational thought belonged.
Now they seem to lie randomly across brain matter,
like a stack of papers,
shuffled by a gust of wind - unwelcomed guest,
let in through a window left ajar.
The gust has sent a door banging, somewhere distant in the the mind.
The sudden burst of noise jolting the senses into hyper-alert.
Intense concentration is allowed for a moment,
to focus on just one tiny, exquisitely ordered detail.
Too soon, the other thoughts barge their way back in - rudely and arrogantly,
pompous, ugly, loud mouthed and opinionated.
The quieter more serene voices are drowned by the noisy.
The still, small trickle,
swamped with the murky flood-waters of unreason.
Debris and rubbish caught up in it all,
come along for the ride.
The toll is devastating!
The clean up - overwhelming.
Where to even start?
How to sort out the real from the perceived?
The truth from thoughts that deceive?
Where is the the treasure, the pearls
among the trash heap of deafening voices,
- the deafening hum of synapsual activity?
There is the tender voice of a Shepherd, come to seek me out -
me, madly bleating on the precipice of insanity.
How can I hear his still, small voice,
above the beating of my heart?
How can I hear his soothing voice,
above the grinding of my clenched teeth -
over the wailing of my sorry self?!
Be still choking voices of my mind.
Be still violent beating of my heart
Be still, oh my soul.
Psalm 46[a]
For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to alamoth.[b] A song.
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the Lord has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields[d] with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields[d] with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
