Wretched Brokeness

It will be ten years on Thursday... and then two days after that - until I stumble off the marriage train. Would love to say I could muster up a dignified, chin in the air, graceful departure ... but that wouldn’t be honest or true. Stumbling, baulking, half crazed, desperately sad, head hanging, bandy legs with knees folding beneath me, tears blinding ... this raw, undignified exit is a more accurate description of the reality of divorce. Anyone want to make this kind of excruciating decision? This is what it looks like. Puffy eyes, snot running ... nothing beautiful here. It is all wretched brokeness.

In the excruciating suffering of Jesus on the cross, he felt the full force and ugly reality, of depraved sinful humanity. He took on and bore the curse of sin ... becoming the curse. Worst of all, he experienced the tearing apart of the closest relationship there has ever been - the relationship he has with his heavenly Father. He bore the full brunt of God’s wrath against sin. Jesus was innocent, but he obediently submitted to a humiliating death ... out of love for us, for me. In the cross the price has been paid, justice has been accomplished - and somehow ... I get to go free! Free from the power of sin and it’s 'death penalty' ... free to live instead and to flourish in a life bound to him, my loving maker. What glorious freedom! In the cross, there is hope of new beginnings and the gift of life, despite the wretchedness of broken relationships. The cross brings healing and wholeness.

I hope in, and cling to amazing, heartbreakingly beautiful grace; the undeserved love and mercy of my Maker. In the cross, I witness a God who chooses to love unconditionally, despite my destructive behaviour and cold rejection of him, at times. He chooses love. He chooses forgiveness. When I run away, take no heed to his warnings, think I know best ... find myself hurt and all I can muster is an anguished breath for help; He runs ... scoops me in his arms, my loving Father ... and loves me with a ‘never stopping, never giving up, never failing’ love. How can this be? How can love work this way?

I certainly can’t muster up this kind of love within my own fallen, broken heart.